Appreciation for Mary McIsaac | John Fox

March 10, 1939 to March 1, 2026

“I am sure most of you would agree – my mother was unique. Some of you have shared wonderful notes and words to describe her many qualities.  One that stands out to me is her determination. When she was determined to learn something, she never gave up. In the late 1960’s she wanted to learn more about meditation.”

Debby McIsaac - McRock

from her Eulogy on April 18, 2026

Self Realization Temple, Encinitas, CA

I am writing to you in appreciation of a truly excellent human being, Mary McIsaac. Mary, for a very long time, was a superb mentor and friend to me. I would like to share more about Mary, about her life, how she made a good and gracious impact upon me and so many others.

This appreciation begins with something her daughter, Debby, spoke in her Eulogy of her mother. This catches my attention – that determination is a quality of Mary that stood out to her.

Determination!

This will be self-referential in a way that I am grateful and glad for – it is something Debby makes me aware of – that I learn afresh about Mary. This fills in an important connection in the not seen, underground, talking, vibrating, tree-rooted nature of our friendship.

Mary and I shared this quality of life-long determination in ways that changed our lives in the direction of God & goodness, service & joy.

Mary’s determination to learn more about meditation led her to the great guru Paramahansa Yogananda and the call and commitment to meditate and to follow his exquisite teachings.

This quality, determination, took root in me to make the choice and commitment to explore and learn how creativity is a healer for a person and is a community builder.

Specifically, a calling linked to a determination to embrace poetry and poem-making without regard for how it could benefit me in a worldly way.

This means I am dedicated (determined) to lay my treasure up in heaven rather than in the world. That sounds a little much – yet it is true.

This life-long determination came married with a vision to touch individuals at heart & mind in a way that enriches their lives – with truth, self-awareness, meaning, discovery, beauty and so much more.

We both envisioned lives that created a sacred container to hold our gifts and skills.

It took some prior years (since 1985) for me of being dedicated to spreading “poetic medicine” and that led, step by step, (in 2005) to create that “sacred container,” founding The Institute for Poetic Medicine.

Debby speaks about Mary and how she gave her time & energy, learning & commitment, to an unfolding process:

“When all three girls were firmly established in our own school schedules, she went back to college herself and received her master’s degree in counseling from Boston College in 1978.  She went on to found the Center for Life and Work Planning in Encinitas in 1985, the Career Development business that she ran for 35 years. Many of you here today have told me how Mary personally helped you with key moments of transition and change in your own life. That work – that desire to help others – gave her much joy.” 

(“All three girls” are the daughters of John & Mary McIsaac – Mary Lee, Debby and Kristin.)

I benefited from Center for Life and Work Planning and her caring and guidance. Here is a portion of a letter I wrote to Mary in February of 2007. This connection happened at the newest, light green-leaf edge of IPM:

Your willingness to help me gain insight into my present circumstance with The Institute for Poetic Medicine and within the context of my own life, is deeply appreciated. By reflecting back to me what my strengths are and where the “gold” is – what I can best attend to and what someone else could better do – you gave me the opportunity to find more balance.

Now I want to bring more focus to this process. I have the questions you gave me and over the next few weeks will write to them. I hope it will be possible to share these with you. Please let me know if there will be any consultation fee. Your generosity in meeting with me after the workshop is not something I want to presume upon.

Again, your recognition of the value of this creative and healing work makes a difference. Thank you.

I have focused on that quality of determination. There is so much more to cherish and celebrate about the life of Mary McIsaac. There are two paragraphs from the eulogy spoken by her daughter Kristin that lift this up:

“She shared her love of music that inspired me to sing. We always had music in our house, sometimes it was opera, sometimes it was Irish Jigs and sometimes it was folk or classical and then as she learned to play the harmonium it was cosmic chants and my sisters and I were her kirtan members. I went on to study music for many years and there has been no greater joy for me than the moments I spent singing and sharing music with others.”

*

“She shared her love for reading that allows me to be engulfed by stories and read late into the night. She once told me she started reading to me from the very beginning of my life. Recently she also shared she’d never worry about me, she knew I’d be okay if I could stay up until 2am because I couldn’t put my book down. For all of her life she was a lover of books: of all kinds. Her love of reading I think is built on her love of words, it’s why she enjoyed her poetry group so very much and why it gave her so much joy.”

Music! Singing! Books! Reading!

A lover of all these.

What grace!

What I am also made deeply aware of in this sharing by both Debby and Kristin – is how much Mary loved her daughters in tangible, actionable, specific ways.

It is clear that Mary didn’t consider that true motherly love as bound by, hemmed in by, strict family ties.

Her motherly cup of helping others over flows!

Kristin provides me with a fine segue: “Her love of reading I think is built on her love of words, it’s why she enjoyed her poetry group so very much and why it gave her so much joy.”

Now I get to get to the very heart of this appreciation. Her poetry group. Let me go on...

The best I can determine, it was in February of 2022 that in an unremembered but significant conversation with Mary, I decided to start an on-line monthly poetry circle.

There is no doubt that Mary initiated my move to do this. I have visited the Encinitas area for many years (24 at that point) and so a community was available for drawing into this circle.

In addition to Mary – another founding member – is the late Jim Moreno. Jim, a VET of Vietnam had been in contact with me since 1998 when the book Poetic Medicine literally fell into his hands. Jim wrote me at that time and we were in close contact since then.

Mary goes first but Jim is close behind in solidifying the creation of this poetry circle. Jim gave us our wonderful name – Kairos Medicine Brew. I can say that I was motivated to continue Kairos for so long because of Jim and Mary. I know that Kairos folk will understand this. Kairos will continue!

I want to acknowledge Jim Moreno with my heart – a man of loyalty, character and dedicated to poetic medicine service for those at the margins – young men in juvenile detention and VETS. Jim died on December 1, 2025 of a heart attack.

I have lost the physical friendship of Jim and Mary and I am doing my best to savor their spiritual presences.

Mary and Jim had a delightful connection – Jim was often delighted by Mary. Mary was certainly delighted by Jim. It was so cute, so sweet, so true.

Mary was a stalwart and loved member of Kairos since March of 2022. She attended and wrote in each monthly program – even while having severe physical challenges – continued until her passing in March of 2026. Debby, setting up the Zoom technology, helped ease Mary’s attendance for most of this time.

Physical challenges did not impede her presence and fierce voice, her capacity to enjoy others, her humor, her claiming her truth. Mary wove elder wisdom with a dancing, youthful spirit and I could say timelessness into the subject of her poems.

Ellen Wolfe, a friend of Mary and a member of Kairos for many years, spoke at the Life Celebration about Mary and Kairos.

Ellen said:

“…even as Mary’s life became more confined in recent years, she flew in the infinite spaces of poetic language, as a member of our monthly poetry circle hosted by John Fox, who founded The Institute for Poetic Medicine.

Mary knew poetry connects us to the radiance of life, to nature, to each other.

And today Mary’s poems speak to us in her voice. They reveal her wit...her loyalty to family and friends...her commitment to goodness.

As Mary said...“I love to consider that we think about life on the inside, the underside, the hidden side and I look forward to the ride.”

I’ll share just a few lines with you from her many poems over the years.

First, Mary made us laugh. She asked...

Where Do Poet’s Live

Let’s face it! Poets live in Middle Earth

They touch the sky on high

While digging their feet in nitty, gritty, dirty soil.

If you don’t know where Middle Earth is

You have not found the key that

Unlocks the heart of stones, stars and sages!

Be careful – it is very slippery

And you can only grasp it when you let it go.

Mary celebrated her roots, the family homes in Boston, the idyllic summers with her three daughters on Cape Cod.

Mirroring what Kristin said about Mary’s love of words, Ellen shares this:

Mary loved language and word play...in a poem About the Art of Polishing Words, she wrote:

“There is a moment

When they need a nudge

From under the table

Where the words are lying flat

And are not quite ready to spring to life on the page.

If I can honor the moment

And coax the words into their poetic plane, then

I have found something

Humming with the creative force, the OM

That is vibrant, explosive and alive in all creation.

In our March IPM Newsletter, we featured this poem, The Art of Polishing Words:

I learned from Debby that a deeply treasured quote for me was also treasured by Mary:

“I believe the greatest gift I can conceive of having from anyone is to be seen by them, to be understood and touched by them. The greatest gift I can give is to see, hear, understand and touch another person. When this is done I feel a contact has been made.”

~ Virginia Satir

Debby told me that Mary framed this quote. This statement of healing connection mattered! What I can’t avoid saying here is that the great gift was that Mary saw me. She heard, understood and touched me.

I don’t know if I did as well for her what she did so well for me.

In closing her eulogy, Ellen Wolfe said this:

“Mary described IPM Founder John Fox with these words: Forget the “yours truly” or the “sincerely yours”

His notes are always signed with one word

Kindness,

and then his name

John Fox

What he delivers in that word is a boatload of blessings, humility, and good will. It is the signature word of a man who lives it well from the inside out.”

I have done my best to make this appreciation about Mary McIsaac. Years ago, I received a poem from Mary that I think she intended to be about me. I know we are honoring Mary’s capacity for seeing someone, perhaps even seeing me.

It might be more humble if I set this poem aside, didn’t include it here. I think staying with patience is an on-going practice – at least it is for me. Maybe that is why Mary makes it the last quality of “the teacher” because it requires the most practice.

This poem may be best offered as a gift to you, because truth be told, all of us are teacher’s to one another. Mary McIsaac is showing us how we can improve upon this with one another.